vault backup: 2025-07-19 05:36:47
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CrazyJasonwell committed
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"title": "美国国家队名单出炉",
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"description": "5月26日当地时间，美国国家队选拔赛老年团体赛2025年6月1日，美国桥牌协会(USBF)公布了参加2025年世界桥牌团体锦标赛的8支美国队参赛名单。由于美国选拔赛允许一名选手报名多项比赛，因此在选拔赛全部结束后，各个美国国家队进行了调整。",
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"title": "自学python必看的书籍《Python编程：从入门到实践》PDF版拿走不谢",
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"title": "当回避型依恋开始回避你时她（他）的内心活动是怎样的？",
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"description": "<div><img src=\"http://pic1.zhimg.com/v2-68218a6232c69830b140c7f054d64273_fhd.jpg?source=8673f162\" alt=\"头图\"/><div><div>\n<p>众多回答都告诉题主了，回避型依恋的特征不愿意和爱人亲密。这种不愿意体现在高度的<strong>亲密回避</strong>，以及极低的<strong>被弃焦虑</strong>，而这两个点也正是 AAS（成人依恋量表）中的两个维度。</p>\n<p>作为咨询师，我会通过认知行为理论和客体关系理论来讲一下这两点到底意味着什么。</p>\n<p>首先先从<strong>认知行为模式（Cognitive Behavior Therapy）</strong>的角度来说一下。亲密回避很好理解，就是避免与你有“过度”的亲密接触。因为这些亲密接触，都会给 TA 一种不安感。</p>\n<p><strong><strong>一、回避亲密的根源在于自我否定</strong></strong></p>\n<p>这种不安是来自于童年婴儿时期的，TA 的父母因为照顾得并不好，所以让 TA 内心深处一直对自己说<strong>：</strong></p>\n<p><strong>我不够好，没有人会来帮助我。</strong></p>\n<p>慢慢随着他长大，这个内心想法开始逐渐演化成了一种<strong>很自然的想法</strong>，或者说是生活规则。由于没有人来帮助我。所以，万事不能靠别人，只能靠自己。最终演化为：</p>\n<p><strong>别人介入一定会坏事，只有自己是能信任的人</strong></p>\n<p>所以通过这个思考回路，TA 也会觉得在感情中也不能靠别人。也就是说，在亲密关系中，TA 依然认为相信别人，或者“过度”依赖别人，会导致“坏事”。所以为了避免这种情况，TA 就会刻意的保持一种若即若离的状态。</p>\n<ol>\n<li><strong>内心深处：我不够好，没人会帮助我</strong></li>\n<li><strong>行为习惯：别人不可相信，只能相信自己</strong></li>\n<li><strong>情绪感受：一旦亲密就会感觉到不安全</strong></li>\n</ol>\n<figure><img src=\"http://pica.zhimg.com/v2-fed7fb38c178ecbedb4d16bc6a9df0e4_720w.jpg?source=8673f162\" alt=\"\"></figure>\n<p>TA 之所以会表现出不耐烦以及烦躁，甚至故意做出故意疏远你的行为。其实就是因为 TA 一直都是靠自己生活的，从小到大这已经深深的刻进了 TA 的行为模式之中。所以一旦你和 TA 靠的太近，就会让 TA 陷入一种非常陌生的环境之中。</p>\n<p>当我们进入一个完全陌生的环境中时，也会全身肌肉紧绷，随时准备逃跑。而 TA 在亲密关系中，也就相当于进入了一个 TA 完全不适应的环境之中，让 TA 产生了应激反应：</p>\n<p><strong>本能的排斥并且想要回避你。</strong></p>\n<p>但是需要强调的是，TA 的这种想法和逻辑，都是埋藏在潜意识层面一下的。大部分人看到蜘蛛就心里发毛，这是因为天生的经验在告诉我们蜘蛛很危险。TA 的回避也是一样的，TA 一但和你亲密就觉得难受，不过 TA 并不能知道为什么难受。所以你如果问 TA，得到的答案可能会很模棱两可：</p>\n<ul>\n<li><em>“我就是觉得两个人一起久了太腻了”</em></li>\n<li><em>“我喜欢一个人”</em></li>\n<li><em>“我也不知道为什么，就是觉得不舒服”</em></li>\n</ul>\n<p>TA 可以丰富的向你描述 TA 的感受，但是真要让 TA 说出一个所以然来，是很困难的。因为自动想法部分，多是停留在意识层面之下，也就是说这一套机制是不受意识的自我检查的。</p>\n<p><strong>也就是说，这个想法先于自我判断对错的心理行为，TA 永远都不会知道自己为什么要这样，也永远不会思考这样到底对不对。</strong></p>\n<p>另外一个特征是<strong>很低的被弃焦虑</strong>。</p>\n<p>这也是回避型依恋相较于恐惧型与痴迷型来说，有着更好的稳定性的表现。<strong>低被弃焦虑，可以简单的理解为不怕你主动提分手，TA 比另外两种不安全依恋更容易接受这个结果。</strong>因为如此，回避型依恋的人相对而言会作的更少一点。</p>\n<p>然而你并不是完全的安全型依恋类型，多多少少你也会在亲密关系中感觉到不安全，有着一定程度的被弃焦虑，进而找 TA 寻求安全感。这个时候攻守易主，你成了所求的一方，TA 反而成了诉求少的一方。所以有些时候，TA 甚至会反过来觉得你很作，让 TA 感觉到很累很烦。</p>\n<p>比如在你寻求亲密行为的时候，很可能整个行为只是非常正常的一次亲密互动，但是依然会被他视作是一种过度的诉求，是一种作。面对这种“作”，无论他外在怎么做的，但 TA 的内心一定是排斥的，而且排斥的有理有据。</p>\n<p><strong>但是，需要强调的是：不怕被你分手，不意味着希望被你分手。</strong></p>\n<p>前面也说过，回避型依恋的 TA，在面Line truncated
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